Not Mine, but Thine.‏

Malo e lelei and alooooo-ha! (:

This week. How can I begin to describe this week? It has been the absolute hardest week of my mission to date. 

On Wednesday, I had a very weird feeling about my body. I felt like something was off, but I didn't really want to acknowledge it out of fear. I am blessed with Sister Mitchell, though, she semi-forced me into calling our mission nurse. It was time for me to get my blood work done, and Mitchell knew that. So I caved, called, and my appointment was set for Thursday morning. 

Driving to Honolulu that morning, there was something in me that knew that something was wrong. I couldn't pinpoint it, but there was no part of me that wanted to go to this doctors appointment. I do my usual blood work, vitals, wait for a room to be open, and eventually I met with the doctor to go over my blood work. I don't want to go into details, but I will say that the results weren't positive.

The doctor told me that I've done everything that I can, but that my blood sugars aren't under control whatsoever. That my health is declining while I am out here, especially with the Polynesian diet we eat daily. The doctor told me I could stay out, but just shoot more insulin. Something was telling me that wouldn't be enough.

As I left the doctors office, I realized very slowly that I had a choice to make. 

I called my mission president a few hours later, after talking with Sister Mitchell. I told him that I think that I need to go home, and take care of myself. President Warner told me that if his daughter called him and told him what was happening with me, that he'd tell her to come home right away. After much fasting and praying, I have made the decision to come home. 

I thought I cried a lot in my life, but never have I truly felt so heart broken. I do NOT want to come home. I want to finish my mission, and come home in April. Yes, that is what I want and planned on doing. That isn't what the Lord had in store for me, though. It's funny, I keep praying, almost hoping the answer will change. That maybe the Lord will provide a way for me to magically be healed, and to be able to serve my final 6 months. Something I've learned through my own experiences and watching the lives of others unfold, though, is that the Lord has a far better plan for us than we can begin to imagine. 

I will be flying home the night of September 23, and arriving home sometime the morning of the 24th. I have about 2 weeks left, and I plan on making them count. I have such a love and testimony of this gospel. 3 years ago, I was a different person. A person who had nothing going for them, a person who had no hope for the future. I felt worthless. Then I found the gospel. The gospel brought hope, faith and love back into my life in a way I never had anticipated. I was baptized 2 years ago, as of September 7th. These 2 years in the church have been full of trials, but also of faith building experiences and moments filled with the Spirit. 

I am struggling right now, accepting that I am really coming home. Hawaii is a place like any other, with a beautiful aloha spirit you will never find anywhere else. I know I was meant to be here, but I guess I wasn't meant to be here for 18 months. The Lord did bless me with 1 year out in the mission field, and for that I will forever be grateful. I have never had to rely on the Lord as much as I am right now. Having faith in HIS plan and HIS timing. 

"Not mine, but Thine"

I love you all so much. I do feel like I've failed, in a way, but I know that is the adversary. I desperately wish I could stay, but there is something waiting for me at home. Something far greater than I can imagine. I will have an honorable medical release, and I need to accept the Lord's will. Thank you, for all the love and support. I still have a few weeks left, and I plan on working til I'm 'dead'. (: 

Until next time!

~Sister Nori